At what age should children be on social media? Should they even be involved in this? If not, will they become social outcasts? Should parents monitor their conversations? Do parental controls work?
Navigating social media as a parent, let alone a child, is not easy. Using social media platforms is still a habit for most American teenagers. The Pew Research Center reports that 58% of teens use TikTok daily, including 17% who describe their TikTok use as almost constant. About half of teens use Snapchat and Instagram every day, almost constantly—14% and 8% of each, respectively.
But parents – and even some teenagers – are increasingly concerned about the impact of social media use on young people. Lawmakers have taken notice and held several congressional hearings on children’s online safety. But even with apparent bipartisan unity, passing laws and regulating companies takes time. No regulation has been adopted yet.
What should parents and teens do in the meantime? Here are some tips on how to stay safe, communicate, and set limits on social media—for both kids and parents.
Is 13 the magic age for social media?
Technically, there is already a rule that prohibits children under 13 from using platforms that advertise to them without parental consent: the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, which went into effect in 2000, before modern teenagers were even born.
The goal was to protect children’s online privacy by requiring, among other things, websites and online services to disclose clear privacy policies and obtain parental consent before collecting personal information about their children. To comply, social media companies generally prohibit children under 13 from signing up for their services.
But times have changed, and online privacy is no longer the only concern when it comes to keeping kids online. There is bullying, harassment, risk of developing eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or worse.
For years, parents, educators and tech experts have pushed to delay giving children phones (and access to social media) until they are older, such as the “Wait ’til the 8th” promise that parents sign a pledge not to give their children phones or access to social networks. Give your children a smartphone until the 8th grade, that is, until about 13-14 years old. Some wait even later, for example, until the age of 16-17.
But neither social media companies nor the government have done anything concrete to raise the age limit.
If the law does not prohibit children, then should parents do so?
“It’s not necessarily a magical age,” said Christine Elgersma, a social media expert at the nonprofit Common Sense Media. But she added: “13 is probably not the best age for kids to get on social media.”
Currently proposed laws include a complete ban on the use of social media for those under 13 years of age. Problem? There is no easy way to verify a person’s age when they sign up for apps and online services. And the apps that are popular among teenagers today were primarily created for adults. Elgersma noted that companies have added some security measures over the years, but these are piecemeal changes rather than a fundamental rethink of services.
“Developers need to start building apps with kids in mind,” she said.
Some technical leaders, celebrities such as Jennifer Garner and parents from all walks of life resorted to Ban your children from using social media altogether. While this decision is personal and depends on each child and parent, some experts say it can lead to isolation for children who may be excluded from activities and discussions with friends that take place on social media or chat rooms.
Another hurdle is that children who have never been on social media may find themselves ill-prepared to navigate platforms when they are suddenly given free reign on the day they turn 18.
Talk, talk, talk
Start earlier, sooner than you think. Elgersma suggests that parents review social media feeds with their children before they are old enough to go online and openly discuss what they see. How would your child handle a situation where a friend of a friend asks him to send a photo? Or what if they see an article that makes them so angry that they immediately want to share it?
Older children, Elgersma advises, should be approached with curiosity and interest, “by asking what their friends are doing or simply not asking direct questions like, ‘What are you doing on Instagram?’ but rather, “Hey, I heard this influencer is very popular.” And even if your child rolls his eyes, this can be a window.”
Don’t say things like, “Turn that thing off!” “When your child scrolls for a long time,” says Jean Rogers, director of the nonprofit Screen Time Action Network Fairplay.
“It’s disrespectful,” Rogers said. “He doesn’t respect that they have a whole life and a whole world in this device.”
Instead, Rogers suggests asking them questions about what they’re doing on their phone and seeing what your child is willing to share.
Children also tend to respond to requests from parents and teachers. “pulling back the curtains” on social networks and the sometimes insidious tools companies use to keep people online and engaged, Elgersma said. Watch a documentary like The Social Dilemma, which explores the algorithms, dark patterns, and dopamine feedback loops of social media. Or read along with them how Facebook and TikTok make money.
“Kids like to be aware of these things and it gives them a sense of power,” she said.
Setting restrictions
Rogers says most parents manage to take away their children’s phones at night to limit their scrolling. Sometimes kids may try to steal the phone, but this strategy usually works because kids need a break from the screen.
“They need to make an excuse to their peers so they don’t talk on the phone at night,” Rogers said. “They can blame their parents.”
Parents may need to set their own limits on phone use. Rogers said it’s helpful to explain what you’re doing when you have your phone on hand so your child understands you’re not aimlessly scrolling through sites like Instagram. Tell your child that you’re checking work email, looking for a dinner recipe, or paying a bill so he knows you’re not just here for fun. Then let them know when you plan to hang up.
What about parental controls?
Social media platforms aimed at children are adding an ever-growing array of parental controls as they face growing scrutiny over child safety. For example, Meta introduced parental supervision In the past year, tools have emerged that allow parents to set time limits, see who their child is following or is following, and track how much time a minor spends on Instagram. It prevents parents from seeing the content of the message.
But as with similar tools on other platforms such as TikTok, the feature is optional and both children and parents must agree to use it. To encourage kids to agree to setting controls, Instagram sends teens a notification after they’ve blocked someone, urging them to let their parents “control” their account. The idea is to get children’s attention when they may be more open to parental guidance.
By making the feature optional, Meta says it is trying to “balance teens’ safety and independence” while also encouraging communication between parents and their children.
Such features may be useful for families in which parents are already involved in their child’s online life and activities. Experts say that for many people this is not the case.
US Surgeon General Murthy said last year It’s unfair to expect parents to control what their children do with rapidly evolving technologies that are “fundamentally changing the way their children think about themselves, how they build friendships, how they experience the world—and, by the way, technologies that previous generations never had to use.” manage.”
According to him, putting all this on the shoulders of parents is “simply unfair.”