While success has obvious benefits, it certainly doesn’t free you from the loneliness epidemic. We idealize striving for the top, but there is an unspoken struggle that many business leaders face when performance is not coupled with feelings of connection and belonging. 2022 poll conducted Deloitte found that a third of top managers feel lonely. Researchers estimate that the vast majority—70%—of executives are considering leaving their jobs in part due to feelings of loneliness and poor health.
“CEOs can be constantly surrounded by people and still feel lonely,” Ryan Jenkins, author Connectivity: How Leaders Can Move Their Teams from Isolation to All-Intells Luck in an email interview. After all, the higher you climb the corporate ladder, the more responsibility and stress falls on your shoulders when making decisions as an individual rather than as a team.
Even CEOs of some of the most prestigious companies admit that holding top positions is an isolating experience. The founder of the famous buy-one-give-one shoe company Toms, Blake Mycoskie, struggled with depression and loneliness amid his company’s major successes. Tim Cook from Apple said that being a CEO is a “lonely job,” and Airbnb’s Brian Chesky has often said that his career advancement has only perpetuated his loneliness.
“I started leading from the front, at the top of the mountain, but the higher you get on the top, the fewer people will be with you,” Chesky told Jay Shetty during the episode On purpose last year. “No one ever told me how lonely I would be.”
Loneliness among leaders is not a new phenomenon. In 2012 Luck In an interview, Thomas Saporito, former chairman and CEO of RHR International, said: “The idea that it’s lonely at the top is not just a platitude. I’ve been doing this for over 30 years and have spoken to over 200 leaders—very few of them haven’t talked about loneliness in the privacy of our discussions.”
Experts say tackling loneliness at the top level could have profound effects, improving people’s mental and physical health and boosting the well-being and engagement of employees who look to their managers for advice.
How to deal with loneliness At work
Take loneliness as a “signal”
Often, leaders avoid addressing their feelings of doubt and uncertainty, which can be a catalyst for their loneliness.
“When people are faced with a problem with many unknowns, they often retreat, isolating themselves rather than seeking the advice they need,” says Carter Kast, former CEO of Walmart.com, quoted in Jenkins’ book. “People get scared and retreat. The loneliest I’ve ever been was when I was managing at scale and just didn’t know if I was doing it right. I didn’t know who I could talk to.”
But if a leader is feeling lonely, experts recommend sharing their experiences—especially challenges at work—with a partner, mentor or professional.
“Loneliness is not shameful; it sends a message,” says Jenkins, who works to create innovative ways to improve employee connections and interactions, including practicing emotional vulnerability. “CEOs should not be ashamed of loneliness, but rather view it as an innate reminder that their influential presence matters to others.”
Transition from manager to leader
While widespread loneliness at the top can be caused by fear and uncertainty about business decisions, it can also be a result of not knowing how to lead those who look up to you. According to a 2013 survey, nearly two-thirds of executives do not receive coaching or leadership advice from those outside their organization. Stanford; Even before new managers reach the C-suite, they are rarely taught how to be leaders.
“New managers don’t realize what they’re taking on,” says Dr. Rich Safer, chief medical officer for employee health and wellness at Johns Hopkins Medicine. Luck. “Most companies don’t prepare new managers in advance.” According to a survey released this summer by Spring Health, only 33% of managers feel able to support the mental health of their employees. Yet research shows that a boss may play a more important role in employee mental health than a therapist.
When leaders view their teams holistically, they prioritize connections, combat loneliness, and help others feel a sense of community.
While leadership training is critical, Safer says leaders can also support their employees by giving them the opportunity to get to know their teams. They can organize work hours to be available and show concern for people’s lives at work and outside of work. After all, more people find people-centered leaders supportive and attractive.
“Leaders need to start improving their relationships with those they lead,” Safer says, which includes being more transparent about their wins and challenges. “They have to be better listeners. They need to become more vulnerable and talk about their problems. They need to show more appreciation.”
Men, in particular, face stereotypes associated with emotional vulnerability. However, many leaders who attended men’s retreats, for example, reported feeling connected to others as they shared their feelings and talked about their lives, in addition to their successes.
“People aren’t used to seeing leaders boldly open up, and I think this is just a breath of fresh air,” Craig White, founder Men without masksUK-based retreat previously reported Luck. “When I saw that, it opened the door for everyone in the organization to potentially do the same thing.”
Reconnect with friends outside of work
Like everyone, corporate leaders need the space to be vulnerable with the support of friends. “Most of my life was about success… I thought it would make people love me,” Chesky Shetty tells the podcast.
Former President Barack Obama, Chesky’s longtime mentor, helped him recognize the driving force behind his discontent outside the office.
“I think you’re kind of lonely and you probably need to renew your friendships,” Chesky recalled Obama telling him in a 2021 conversation. Chesky says the former president was able to maintain 10 to 15 relationships, many of which he had connections with before he took office.
“They strengthened it and rooted it, and your roots come from your past, and your past is often your relationship,” Chesky says. “It’s hard to lose your mind when you have deep connections and relationships… I realized that I wasn’t in a relationship.”
Maintaining friends as you age is no easy walk in the park. An AARP survey found that nearly half of people age 50 and older say keeping friends is difficult.
“As we approach middle age, we find ourselves busy,” Mark Schultz, co-author A good life and associate director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, previously said Luck. “Some people wake up and realize that they really need to rebuild their friendships… a lot of their social connections may only revolve around work or other activities that their children are involved in.”
The CEO’s influence is a privilege, and how he combats loneliness is integral to improving his well-being and the health of the organization.